For Spencer

My son.  My boy.  My favorite little man.  My Mr. Man.  My biggest ever smiler.  There is nothing I would not do for you.

Spencer, for you, I have given up dairy, cow protein (meat and milk, very kosher of me), whey and casein.  I miss it.  I miss food.  I daydream about my first meal once you are able to process dairy again.  I pin recipes on pinterest, rip them out of magazines, and bookmark them on my computer.  And I do it for you.  And I am happy to.  OK, not happy happy, but I do it and I don’t regret it.  I could stop.  I could eat cheese right now.  mmm…. cheese…  cream cheese… nachos….  ice cream….  any of the tons of foods that had whey and casein hidden into the ingredient list….  but I won’t for you.  And for me.  It is too important to me to keep nursing you.  I would rather be able to nurse you than eat cheese.  And this is a big statement

But there is one thing I simply cannot do for you.  I WILL not do for you.  Spencer, today I bought dairy free cheese.  And I opened it this evening, and Spencer, as much as I love you, I can’t do it.  I did not eat it.  I couldn’t.  But I did touch it to my lips and tongue (briefly) and frankly that was enough for me.

My darling boy, I will do anything for you, but please don’t ask me to eat that ever again!  I would rather be dairy free than try to fake it  by eating that stuff.

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