You know, you get a lot of odd comments when you are pregnant – people feel completely free to ask about your weight, size, body parts, etc… things you don’t normally ask people… But when you are expecting twins, it goes to a whole new level! Some of these are absurd enough that even Emily has given people the side eye! I think there is a lot of fascination around the idea of twins, but not a lot of clarity on some issues.
First of all, our twins are di/di twins, that means they each have their own sac and their own placenta (and 70-80% of di di twins are fraternal in case you were wondering). And to answer some of the actual, real life, questions we have gotten…
- Yes, they are still twins even if one is a boy and one is a girl (which is the case).
- Yes, we are pretty sure we will find a way to tell them apart (really?).
- No, they are definitely not identical (I get this one a lot and yes, I do explain that boys and girls can NEVER be identical, but once once have I been forced to go into the biological differences).
I get asked a lot if there are twins in my family or D’s. No disrespect to any identical twins out there but identical twins are more a fluke than a genetic predisposition. Egg meets sperm, divides, splits, continues to divide, etc… Fraternal twins (like ours) are the result of 2 eggs and 2 sperm and this can be genetically linked, but not always. D’s family traits are strong, and you can definitely see traces of his family in Emily. But his genetic code is not strong or powerful enough to make me drop 2 eggs one month. For the record, there are twins in my family, but we believe they are identical, so no genetic linkages…
I also get asked what I miss the most. This is an odd question to me. What DO I miss? D and I used to travel a lot to amazing places – Alaska, Australia, the Bahamas, Florida, Colorado, Wyoming, Seattle…. and I miss that. We used to randomly go to a movie or a Broadway show, and I miss that. We used to have dinner after sunset…. I don’t miss alcohol really, I was never a heavy drinker, but a nice glass of sangria…. mmm…. and I love fresh sushi, but really, it is not a big deal. What do I miss the most? Right now, I miss my feet. Seeing them, and seeing them a normal size!
But in our new life as parents we have discovered new parks, new friends, and new things to do with play dough. We have painted, drawn with chalk on the driveway and had tea parties. D and I NEVER drew with chalk on the driveway before Emily. When I pick Em up from school all the kids in her class call me “Emily’s mommy”. as in “Emily’s mommy, can you help me zip up my jacket…”. I LOVE this as my primary identity. I am proud of my professional life and accomplishments, but my book is on the top shelf in the corner, while pictures of Em are front and center and more visible. This part of my life is much more rewarding. So I don’t miss much. And what I do miss seems minor compared to what I have. Let’s compare – traveling the world – so cool. But having Em lean over and hug and kiss my belly because the babies need hugs and kisses too – so much better! Broadway musicals – so amazing. Having a secret mommy Emily kiss, so much better! Dates with my husband, fabulous, cuddles with Emily…. just as fabulous… (I have a pretty great husband after all 🙂 )
What I have now, and what I will have soon. Really, the bottom line is this. We all feel blessed that we are having twins. I believe every baby chooses it parents and every day I am so grateful that Emily chose us. Now 2 more babies have chosen us. It is humbling and such an honor and while it is overwhelming and scarey, the rewards will far outweigh the costs.