I never want to do this again

When I was pregnant with Emily I randomly stumbled across another blog of a woman who was also pregnant.  I started reading her blog and LOVING it.  She is the best writer!  She takes no prisoners!
Her daughter was born 2 weeks before Emily and this summer she announced she was pregnant with identical twins!  So of course I followed that pregnancy too, why not??  But her road was bumpy.  From day 1 she had complications to deal with.  One twin was growing well and she called it hog baby and the other, not so well, tiny baby.  Yesterday she delivered and hog baby, Evelyn, passed on.  Tiny baby, Ainsley, is fighting in the NICU.
I don’t even know this woman or her family, or her daughters in real life, and yet my heart is totally broker for her.  I can’t even imagine losing Darren or Emily.  I can’t imagine a morning without Emily putting stickers all over her and me.  Without her opening the cheese drawer in the fridge and pulling out her loot.   Without her pulling the box of pomegranate seeds of the shelf, shaking it (shake shake shake mommy) and asking for seeds please.  I can’t imagine never changing another diaper.  Or kissing away another boo boo.  Or cuddling, or hugging, or tickling.  I could go on and on.

Jenn, I know there is no way you will see this, but my heart is completely broken for you.  I have no words.  All I can do is hug Emily tighter and tighter and pray that in the coming days, years and months that hugging tiny Ainsley and sweet Olivia brings you some comfort.


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